Daniel’s sister graduated yesterday. From college. And Daniel’s brother and my sister also graduate in the spring. And all of them are about the age we were when we decided to get married.
All of this feels kinda weird and surreal to me. I think it’s mostly because no one feels any older to me in my brain. I don’t feel old either. I don’t feel old enough to be having children, although many of my peers and even younger-than-mes already do! I don’t feel like my “little” sister can be old enough to graduate from college already, or like my siblings are the same age as when Daniel and I got married. (In fairness, I didn’t really feel old enough to get married then either, but we did anyway.) None of these people seem old enough to do any of this stuff, because in my brain we’re all just college-age-ish, and since our personalities are essentially the same that MUST mean we’re not any older or more adult-y. So how come people keep passing all these milestones??
I still feel like pretty much the same person that I’ve been since finishing college. I mean, I’m growing and gaining experience, but I don’t really feel any different. I keep waiting for some switch to flip and for me to all of a sudden have Grown-Up Job Motivation Feelings or Parental Instinct Baby-Making Feelings or Married Adult House-Buying Feelings… but the best I can seem to muster lately is a vague sense of purposelessness and an occasionally resurfacing temporary desire to own a hedgehog.
Am I missing something? Does every twenty-something always feel this aimless and non-adult-y? Or is this another wonderful perk of the entitled special-snowflake life of “endless opportunities” for which my working class ancestors have all toiled?
All that blood, sweat, and college tuition, and sometimes all I want is for someone to tell me what to do with my life.